Ode to Carbohydrate Woman

Carbohydrate woman, carbohydrate woman

How you talk about carbohydrates

It is plain to see that you are no shaman

For no lack of trying, you are what grates

You have not magical powers

And your science is flawed

How else could we see the flowers

Down the path that you have sawed

Carbohydrate woman, carbohydrate woman

Your potion is definitely not for humans

Of any type, especially not for man

For it runs off our backs like cumins

The USDA has warped your genes

With their bad science led you astray

Hopefully someday you will see greens

And know that you must retire from the fray

Carbohydrate woman, carbohydrate woman

Carbohydrates may be good for the goose

Carbohydrates may be a poison to the man

They're not good for the gander in the loose

The ADA has loosened its hold

On carbohydrates for sure

And if I may be so bold

Maybe you need to be as pure.

Carbohydrate woman, carbohydrate woman

ADA has at last opened their minds

And said diets are fit for the human

For you, carbohydrate is the tie that binds

Your mind is as solid as concrete

Stolid and can't bend in the breeze

Carbohydrates is all your mind can secrete

As if opposition caused your mind to freeze

Carbohydrate woman, carbohydrate woman

Increasing the portions of fat and protein

Has allowed me to be more human

For you, that still remains to be seen

The academy of which you are a member

Needs to consider being more transparent

And if not, it should remember

You are not the heir apparent

Carbohydrate woman, carbohydrate woman

Glycemic control myopia fits you to a tee

You're a narrow minded, intolerant woman

And that is plain for the world to see

When, oh when will you quit

And leave this world to wiser geese

The world is not for you a good fit

With the flutter, whine, and wheeze

This is my weak attempt to poke some fun at the profession(s) that are constantly promoting carbohydrates and that we need to eat an outrageous number at each meal. The American Diabetes Association has reduced the number and stated that many of the diets are currently acceptable including low carbohydrate plans.